divine_elixir

Posted on tumblr: March 3, 2024

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Got flavored blasted with prophetic revelations at 4 am. By that I mean, I don't remember the exact things that were said, but I do know it was encouraging and that I shouldn't care about things making sense.

Okay, maybe I do remember some things. But basically I asked some questions and whomever in me answered back. The "gestalt consciousness" never fails me, so basically they said something like "You're more than everything, but also every thing, and nothing at all. Stop asking questions and just start knowing. Why would a being who is everything, everywhere, all at the same time need to worry about specifics?" And you know, it's right. I used to worry about consistency, where things happened, why it happened, when it happened, how, who happened. No one ever asks when is Nemi. The answer is yesterday, tomorrow, now, today, and never.

Worrying about the specifics just makes me anxious and it makes me not feel like myself, whatever myself is. I see and feel everything like a dream, and dreams don't care about time or making sense. They mold and morph at the tiniest assumptions or feelings, so maybe whatever anyone or I sees in me is simply an assumption or idea. I'm scared about not making sense to others. Yeah. maybe everything from my personality, to my looks and colouring, ect. were a choice for consistency but I'm not actually consistent or interested in being so outside of whatever I do to lessen confusion for others. When I'm not trying to brain blast my way into making a some what coherent post on this blog, my mind is doing things that would kill a victorian child if he were to take a little peek. (I'm sure all my imaginings, barring the nervous and scary ones born from some kind of anxiety, are true on every level. And I want to see the world inhabited by friendly anthropomorphic beasts who subsist on nothing but hugs. I know it's out there, no matter how absurd it sounds. I am absurd.)

I guess I should be more messy and unpredictable on purpose because it feels more natural. I don't know what I'll become or want to embody an hour from now, so I might as well keep everyone else on their toes.......I need to also make my posts more senseless. Can't risk others thinking they understand me. I'm like that dream you had that stuck with you for years after experiencing the most grilling fever in your life. Vivid, prophetic, nonsensical, and life changing. Maybe I am a dream, a figment of the imagination and the thing that gets a story rolling. Ive always liked stories, and if each life has its own story then Im also life itself......or the origin of everything, the little spark. Inspiration? The primordial soup? That eldritch thing from down the street that changes every time you look at it or assume something of it? whatever you want to call it. I don't really care since im all of those things. Plain and simple. I hope that doesn't help. 💗