divine_elixir | More old posts

More old posts from 2023, focusing on myself. Or what my past understanding of myself was. Pretty outdated-ish, at least bits identifying myself with the imaginary tree and things about my kind. species?

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•August 20th

I was originally going to ramble about gender in relation to whatever little fellow I am, but then I thought it would be more fun to just write about all the silly little concepts that most are used to and compare it to how things are approached in my home world. I won't write about everything, so perhaps I can split it into multiple parts or just write things up whenever I feel like it.

Now, the beings of my home world are rather isolated so any new concept we came across in other worlds were played with like a new toy until we make sense of it in our own ways/cultural contexts.

The idea of family (the idea of mothers, fathers, siblings, etc) for example, was foreign. Nobody in our world really required another to "reproduce", anyone could do it regardless of perceived sex. Which is just that. Perceived based on what outsiders might assume of us on an individual level. We are all truly sexless, so "reproduction" occurred on a more mental level so to speak. It is akin to conjuring up an imaginary friend, though no involvement went into creating looks and a personality. One simply put intent into making another being and that being would form into their own person. Though, they would form overtime within the saftey of an egg. (No laying involved.)

In the past, dreaming? imagining? another into the world was done for the purpose of companionship. The very first being whom dreamed up our world during their 3 million+ years slumber awoke to their glorious realm and wished to share their world with others, so they dreamed up three friends. Those three wound up being the progenitors of the three kinds who inhabited our world. The long (dragons), qilin, and whatever the heck my kind is.

I don't remember when the idea of families were brought to my home world. But we did enjoy the concept very much. Many paired off or formed groups, some had children together. And as the concept of children became a popular idea, any new being who came into the world looked to be the equivalent of a young child instead of automatically appearing fully grown like they used to. They would obviously "grow up" over time, but being immortal they wouldn't age past being a young adult appearance wise.

As for labels, I do not remember how that went over. I and my siblings enjoyed calling each other brother or sister like it was all a little game which helped us bond, although only one wished to be referred to as a 'sibling' only. The eight of us formed in the same egg, so maybe it was natural for us to want to call each other by such titles. So we are essentially octuplets, I suppose.

But besides those labels, there was also gender. I don't think we ever thought much about whatever we learned from other worlds. I personally called myself a boy because I thought it was cute, and not only that but I appeared and dressed more femininly while in my humanoid form because it was what I most enjoyed. For beings whom can form realms and new companions with a simple thought, I don't think such a thing as gender is such a big deal to us. It was just another toy to play with to ones hearts content and then put away in the toy chest at the end of the day after all.

I don't know if I have anything else I can add to these particular topics. Others opinions aside, I don't think they're the most interesting things I could have written about my home world. I'm personally more excited about recording our philosophies, views on other beings, use of technology, world travel, cultures, history, the structure of our world, and infringing on any interesting ideas we find in other worlds. No, we do not care about copyright or patents. We reinvented the train and made it better.

Anyway maybe if there's anything anyone would want to know, I'd be happy to answer anything if I remember anything.

•August 23rd

. I used to to try and follow certain religions, gods, divinities, and so on. But it just never felt right to me, it felt wrong....not in the "religion bad" kind of way, but in the sense that you innately feel that you aren't meant to be doing something? Of course, in my experience I received guidance and whatnot. But it was like I was being told that what I was looking for wouldn't be found following this world's deities....I wouldn't say they rejected me, but more that they only wished to point me in the right direction like a local would to a traveler.

I used to compare my worshipping anything on par with worshipping, say a relative or a peer. But that doesn't seem right anymore.

Based on my memories, my kind never worshiped anything or felt beholden to any kind of beings. Of course, there were times when some of us would go wandering other worlds and wind up being worshiped simply based on what we are and our abilities. We don't wish for any of that....it feels weird, and maybe the word gross could describe our views on being held at such a level. The same would be said about viewing ourselves as more superior or lesser than another. I suppose we never cared about power or status.

One can be an all powerful eldritch abomination and I don't think we'd care. All are just equal in our eyes, and we'll treat all as such.

Unbothered and in our lane, so to speak. But I sometimes wonder if there is some hidden arrogance to our views. We've a connection to dreams and the imagination...made of it really. Such things are limitless. Eternal. So do we have nothing to worry about because of that? I am unsure.

Stories, information, ideas, memories. Anything that can be produced by experience, thought, or imagined are of great value to us. I am unsure of why we value it. Maybe we are record keepers? Collectors? Perhaps it is all for fun or sentimentality? To my knowledge, if anyone is familiar with Hon/kai impact lore, my home is connected to the Imaginary tree or maybe it is part of the sea of Quan/ta. Worlds can fall from the tree like leaves and fall into the sea below. (I barely know anything about the games lore, never played it, but I just know my home is connected to that tree or the sea in some way.)

Perhaps my kind has some sort of purpose to preserve these world's stories? Or maybe we created our own purpose for simply existing. The latter feels more right to me. With how we view things, why would we accept a purpose assigned to us by some other being(s)/thing? And with the way I remember wandering around Tey/vat without cause and minding my own business most of the time, I think it would check out......though, I don't rule out the idea that what my kind does could also be instinctive.

•September 22nd

I just wanted to write down a bit about my kinds anatomy and also reproduction or whatever. There's some talk about genitalia and some mentions of sex, but it isn't graphic or anything.

My body and its functions are still somewhat of an anamoly to me. It isn't organic, so I couldn't say I had flesh and I certainly didn't have blood or any other bodily fluid. Yet I was capable of crying....maybe it's safe for me to assume that my body can simulate certain functions but it is unlike what is experienced by organic beings.

I mainly wanted to record what I knew and experienced, so I won't discuss hypotheticals to much.

I know for a fact that my kind naturally lacked any kind of genitalia, and breasts or nipples were also lacking. It makes complete sense since we don't reproduce through sexual means and have no need to lay our eggs, so any orifices below the waist wouldn't be needed.

And yes, we also lack anuses, we don't need to eat so no pooping required. (Although, I will say I've come to find the act enjoyable in this current time. Please do not question me about this. lol)

Any and all acts that most usual beings do as a necessity to live we do as recreational activities. Sampling foods and drinks is a popular pass time in my home realm, so with worlds we established some form of connection and trust with we frequently like to conduct trade for such things. We have no cooking skills, so this sort of reliance is "necessary". Though I'm sure there were those who attempted to learn.

As for where the food or drink goes when we do consume something, I don't know. Use your imagination.

Now my kind do posses transformation abilities so if we did wish to it wasn't difficult to get some orifices and genitalia. I remember switching it up all the time, whenever I felt like it or I needed it. By need, I'm sure we all know for what purpose I'd need them but otherwise I would go about my day with nothing down there.

Moving on to reproduction with outsiders. It isn't impossible, my two children are proof of that but it all works differently. We can not impregnate another or be impregnated ourselves. My kind need only a small bit of the other parties essence really, combine that with ours and incubating that energy in an egg is all that's required. No sex necessary. Though that could happen if wanted, I guess the bodily fluids produced during the process counts as essence? Whatever essence means.

With these kinds of things my memories are rather few, or I might be reluctant to share them. It's either shyness or fear that I'd get obliterated by the tumblr authorities. lol

•September 30th

I've considered myself divine for a long time now, but the way I've defined that for myself has changed a lot.

A deity, a god. I've cycled through these ideas but I do not feel they say much at all about me. My kind, though having been viewed as gods in other worlds, don't care about being seen as such due to our own principals and views.

If we are not gods, and certainly aren't mortal, then what are we?

I haven't much of an answer. I've always felt that every one of my kind were connected....not separate to be more exact. Yes, we've each developed our own identities thus making it possible to form varied experiences. But, I feel that all of us in essence or at a base level are just expressions of the imagin/ary tree. If I were to use an analogy, it is like each of us appears to be an individual tree at a glance. However if one were to zoom out and look at the whole picture, we were all simply branches of a singular tree the entire time. One and the same, a singular entity playing endless parts.

I'm aware this sort of nondualistic type concept does seem scary to some, but I don't really mind it.

All the worlds connected to and born of the tree, hmm couldn't I consider them siblings? Or maybe children? We share an essence after all, even if each of these worlds have grown and developed unique characteristics/laws that set them all apart. I remember feeling Tey/vat itself was alive in some way when I was there. So maybe I am able to sense that essence.

However, then I have to wonder what is the point of exploring these worlds and preserving their memory.

Maybe there isn't a point and it's okay if there isn't one. Though, a part of me feels that we are carrying out a task the imagin/ary tree can't do for itself. If it can produce an avatar then it can experience and create memories, yet there are too many worlds. So to remedy that, the avatar produces more of itself.

Funnily enough, today I came across a quote from the Ara/nara world quest that feels right in some way. "There are dreams because there is memory. Memory is nourished so their is life." I don't remember the context for this line, but maybe experiencing and creating/preserving memories of the worlds is key to nourishing the tree. All just speculation on my part.

So, if all my kind are the tree itself....then is it safe for me to assume that we are the origin or basic element of life itself? Or should I say existence or being? I am unsure of how to word all this, and the idea of the imaginary and dreams being the base element of everything.....it makes perfect sense to me.

Now with that out of the way.....hmm, I call myself adeptus adjacent, but I guess that's more of a surface level label. I know I was very comfortable around the adep/ti in Li/yue, so maybe I took on some of their characteristics? Or perhaps I just wished to add more to my identity the same way a child imagines a character for themselves during play time.

Anyway, my final message. Identity is fluid and all in the worlds see things through different eyes. In splitting oneself, it becomes possible to gain infinite vision. With vision then comes the possibility for understanding. In understanding, self recognition.

•November 11th

Me, despite everything: "I love you sun! I love you clouds! I love you humans! I love you creatures! I love you machines! I love you grass! I love you noises! I love you soft blankie! I love you...."

I don't know, when I just close my eyes and allow myself to be I just get this overwhelming feeling of love and care for everything. I don't know how to explain it. I only know it has something to do with my nonhuman nature, like....I know and feel everything to be a part of me so the love I feel for everything is also love for "myself". Whatever the self is in regards to me....hmm, I feel like somebody but also not.

It's not a sad feeling, but I'm having a hard time explaining it in words. It's not really something I could explain.....language is quite limited but when I imagine myself going back to being a part of a whole it makes me happy. Not that I was ever separated from it, but going back is like taking a rest from a long game. Once I feel like it, I can go play with everyone again like I never left. Like there was nothing for me to miss in the first place.